Unofficial 2018 Lyndon Farnham campaign begins in JEP

 

With the General Election just 10 months away, some States members clearly think it's time to begin the campaign to get into the hearts and minds of Jersey people in time for polling day.

Step forward then, Sen. Lyndon Farnham (Economic Development, Tourism, Sport and Culture Minister) who clearly feels he'd better show voters that he is actually doing stuff in office. Tonight's Jersey Evening Post carries a picture of the smiling senator on its front page, alongside an article about a Super League triathlon taking place in the Island in September.

In fact, such free-hits for Sen. Farnham in the run-up to elections from Jersey's only daily newspaper are nothing new. Similarly fawning coverage of Lyndon was also on display in the build-up to the autumn 2014 election:

Boxing clever: The Senator with a winning combination

THE punching politician, Senator Lyndon Farnham, won a charity white collar boxing bout on Saturday night in front of a packed audience of 500 people.

(Jersey Evening Post, 30 June 2014)


Senator proposes ambassador scheme

A programme should be devised to allow local sports stars and other talented Islanders who represent Jersey overseas to become official ambassadors for the Island, according to a politician.

(Jersey Evening Post, 8 June 2014)


Farnham: 'I want to be minister for tourism'

Jersey needs to be more radical in the way it targets tourists if visitor numbers are to rise again and reverse decline, says the politician who wants to lead the industry forward.

(Jersey Evening Post, 10 February 2014)


Island should bid for electric car grand prix, says Senator

Jersey should get into pole position to host a race in an electric powered version of Formula 1, says the politician who heads the tourism industry.

(Jersey Evening Post, 22 January 2014)


Senator launches new online gym business

A STATES Senator has launched a new online business designed to cater for people who want to exercise regularly but do not want to commit to a full-time gym membership.

(Jersey Evening Post, 10 January 2014)


And so it begins! Expect to see more Lyndon-love from the JEP in the run-up to next May's election, before the well-spoken Senator goes back to being a political submarine for the following four years. Good luck Lyndon!!!

Geoff in the Gallery: A satirical look at the States sitting of 6 July 2017

As the first day of debate on the findings of the Independent Jersey Care Inquiry progressed, it was striking how many members had been converted to the relative importance of social affairs in Jersey. The real divide in the House now appears to be over the much reported “Jersey Way”, between those who think it’s a good thing and those who think it’s bad.

Sen. Ian Gorst opened with a speech setting out his government’s approach to implementing the recommendations of the Oldham Report. He said that individuals and institutions must be held to account, but if the House was only to apportion blame then their job was not fully done.

After this opening speech, it was Dep. Montfort Tadier’s (St Brelade No. 2) turn to speak. Before he began, however, he killed any gathering momentum by fiddling around trying to open an email on his iPad. Dep. Rod Bryans (St Helier No. 2) read out a list of what the Education Department had done in the past few years to help children. The Constable of St Martin began his speech by admitting that he hadn’t yet read the full report. Andrew Lewis should take note.

Dep. Anne Pryke (Trinity) used four I’s in her speech - “ineffectual, inadequate, inexplicable, inexcusable”. No, not a self-portrait, but the description of Jersey as a substitute parent put forward by Frances Oldham QC. Pryke then referred back to her time as Health and Social Services Minister in 2009 (some members appeared to have forgotten this). Both her and Dep. Mike Higgins (St Helier No. 3 and 4) raised individual cases brought to them and some members did indeed speak movingly.

Sen. Andrew Green read out a freephone number to the House for those who needed support. He accused Higgins of “mudslinging” by making comments in his individual case raised which “he knows are not totally correct” (is this unparliamentary language?). Anyway, Higgins can get away with not being totally correct; just ask the Attorney General.

Green then indulged in a bit of mudslinging of his own, dumping on his predecessors at Health - except for Pryke, who’s excellent work he obviously praised because she was still present in the House. What a creep. Don't turn your back on him Anne...

Dep. Sam Mezec (St Helier No. 2) began by saying how difficult it had been to write a speech for a debate containing so many different strands. He apologised in advance for reading his notes and for being unable to string a sentence together (don’t worry Sam; it never stopped Eddie Noel). The token UK reference this week was again Grenfell Tower. Mezec claimed it was “not an accident”. Dep. Peter McLinton (St Saviour No. 1) always looks uncomfortable sitting next to him.

For a debate “in committee”, there was very little in the way of interventions. However, Sen. Sarah Ferguson and Dep. Steve Luce (St Martin)  took the hump with Mezec over his comments about whether members were trustworthy.

Const. Chris Taylor (St John) stirred next. “Hands up who has a degree in politics?” he asked. One gullible member put their hand up. Most other members were probably using their hands to hold their heads in despair. Taylor said that in 50 years’ time it will be a matter of shame that there are so many unqualified people in the Assembly (surely he means “unelected”?). The fact that Taylor thinks a politics degree makes a good politician tells you all you need to know about him.

The Constable of St John had also taken the hump, but primarily with the Oldham Report’s use of the phrase “local” Constables rather than “parish” Constables. He defended parish hall enquiries for keeping children out of the judicial system (hmmm…) and highlighted the good work done by the parish system in the past. Taylor then went on to tell the enraptured Chamber about how his son had dislocated his elbow at a swimming pool when he was young. He also explained to members the rules of “Crocodiles”, a Taylor family game which his son was injured playing. The point of Taylor’s biography was to prove that the children’s service was keeping an eye on his child after a few accidents which he had suffered but seriously, is there any reason to bring so much unnecessary personal detail into the House? Many members are guilty of this shortcoming. It has the effect of turning parliamentary debates into group therapy.

Dep. Peter McLinton was “saddened” by a lot of attitudes and experiences from his childhood. To mass approbation, he bashed his copy of the report with his fist and criticised the tone of the debate as “like hearing an argument at a funeral”. Oh please. Out of all the Jersey politicians, former media personalities in particular can’t resist this self-indulgent, “why can’t we just all get on?” crap. By its very nature, political debate contains argument. It isn’t a radio phone-in.

Peter Mac helpfully read to members large passages of the UN Convention on the Rights of a Child, as if he were the first person ever to read it, before announcing there should be no more “he said, she said” because “that’s why we got ourselves in this mess in the first place historically.” Actually Peter, it’s because we didn’t do enough “he said, she said” finger pointing in the first place that we are in this position now.

After admitting a grave political error earlier in the week for his 2008 Liberation Day address, Sen. Philip Bailhache gave an equivocal speech expressing reservations as to whether the State was responsible for children. Otherwise, he used his speech to angle for the appointment of an Assistant Minister at Health with responsibility for children (that wet-dream of an executive majority in the House always gets pushed by Sir Phil). Dep. Judy Martin (St Helier No. 1) helpfully reminded the former Bailiff that she had indeed been an Assistant Minister at Health but wasn’t given any powers or responsibility for children to go with it.

Dep. Geoff Southern (St Helier No. 2) used his opportunity to push for tax rises and Dep. Jeremy Macon (St Saviour No. 1) stodged through his favourite subject of procedures. Finally, Dep. Andrew Lewis (St Helier No. 3 and 4) stood to launch his defence to the Inquiry’s finding that he was a liar. The now confirmed political lightweight doubled down on his denial, saying that it was all an issue of “terminology”.

After Lewis had smeared some of the Graham Power mess onto former civil servant Bill Ogley, the Attorney General rose and gave Lewis a pardon. The AG told the House that States members can’t be prosecuted for lying to the House or an Inquiry; therefore, Honest Andy would not be prosecuted. Earlier, the Chief Minister had claimed that individuals and institutions must be held to account. What a pity no one had told the AG.

No investigation into Lewis appears to have taken place, and no reasoning was given by the AG for his decision not to prosecute. Happily for members, the AG has confirmed that they can freely lie under oath in the House or at an inquiry. At least we now know for certain there’s no point believing anything members say.

Whether the Care Inquiry actually changes anything in Jersey remains to be seen. One thing is for sure, it certainly hasn’t changed the States Assembly itself.

Geoff in the Gallery: A satirical look at the States sitting of 4 July 2017

After the Independent Jersey Care Inquiry published its report on Monday and Frances Oldham QC had delivered her damning verdict on a litany of failures (both professional and personal) and abuse in Jersey’s care system over the past 72 years, Islanders are in a sombre mood as they try to come to terms with the suffering experienced by their fellow citizens who were so let down by a system that was meant to be there to protect them.

Considering that recent events have highlighted the glacial pace of government in Jersey and the sheer out-of-touchness of the States with the rest of the Island, it is perhaps fitting that 24 hours after the publication of the Inquiry’s findings, elected members were instead debating Sea Fisheries Regulations. Is it any wonder most of the public don’t give a toss about Jersey politics? Surely a “Leader of the House” in such a small jurisdiction could have shifted planned business so that more pertinent matters could have been debated instead.

Anyway, that is for another day - Thursday, in fact. So it was that at Tuesday’s States sitting, members were in attendance but the important stuff wasn’t taking place in the States Chamber. As usual, some might say.

Dep. Eddie Noel (St Lawrence) was up on his feet for Infrastructure Minister’s Questions. Alas, Eddie is not one of life’s most eloquent speakers and makes Joey Essex sound like Laurence Olivier. It really would be courteous of him to turn up properly briefed next time; his answers contained more ers and ums than a blagging Year 7 pupil who’s not done his French homework. Goodness knows what radio listeners made of Eddie’s latest dish of incomprehensible. Pity the poor souls at Portland Communications.

As Noel dribbled out his response to a half-volley on the taxi-driver dispute from Dep. Carolyn Labey (Grouville), one pondered whether the States should follow the House of Commons’s recent relaxation of the dress code; at least if Unready Eddie was wearing his favourite high-vis jacket during sittings, it might distract a bit from the collection of words leaving his mouth.

There was a bit of a ding-dong over the calculations regarding funding for fee-paying schools, which ultimately led nowhere. Other than that, the session passed without note. After all, it’s not as if members have much else to talk about this week…

Care Inquiry report published

Full report here: https://ijci-public.sharepoint.com/Pages/Final-Report.aspx

Questions raised about Ozouf's use of States credit card

Ten days after he was sacked by the Chief Minister, Philip Ozouf is back doing what he does best, defending himself in public. This time it’s in response to allegations that he put £11,000 of his personal expenditure on a States credit card. Tonight, Phil has tweeted that “It is NOT £11,000 of personal expenses…I will be publishing a full breakdown of what this is and isn’t”. Ozhuff back in self-justification mode…

Comptroller and Auditor General: Government turns blind-eye to States-funded bodies

Following on from her report into the Jersey Innovation Fund, ahem, “situation”, the Comptroller and Auditor General has now reported more broadly on the government’s relationship with States-funded bodies.

As readers will know, States-funded bodies operate at “arm’s length” from the government, purportedly running their own affairs but receiving government money to do so; last year, £38m was handed over to such “arm’s length organisations” (ALOs). A happy wheeze that also keeps ministers at “arm’s length” from being accountable for public money.

Unfortunately for the government, the latest report concludes that ALOs aren’t being overseen properly and management arrangements are consistently “not fit for purpose”. Amongst the other ball-breaking criticisms, the report finds that:

- there are no clear review policies;

- there are no guidelines on the number of board members or how much they should be paid; and

- formal arrangements for governance and oversight are patchier than Les Quennevais School’s roof.

Given that public money pays for organisations such as Jersey Heritage, Visit Jersey and Digital Jersey, the government might like to know if it’s being spent effectively. Luckily for ALOs, having “Jersey” rather than “Department” in the name means they can merrily hose themselves in taxpayers’ money. Open season!

Eddie Noel talks solid waste in JEP

Eddie Noel has written a letter published in Tuesday's Jersey Evening Post, defending the introduction of the 'waste charge' (aka 'Shit Tax'). Opposition to this has come from the big Jersey hotels - who are running to tight margins anyway - and who, because they have lots of rooms, will be handed massive waste bills which will cripple their balance sheets unless they raise prices. Hotels will have to charge tourists for taking a dump.

Nevertheless, the popular Infrastructure Minister blithely writes that this States decision is fair because it is based on the principle of 'user pays'. Although if the users end up closing, the plan won't make the Treasury any money.

In response to the hospitality industry advising that they can't afford it, Noel has highlighted the decision to phase in the tax, which means that only 50% will be levied in 2018. But the full amount will still have to be paid by businesses in 2019, and many will have to pass it on to the consumer in order to stay afloat. In the case of hotels, this will simply make it more expensive for tourists to come to the Island. Expect to see even less hotels in Jersey after 2020.

JDC paying £760k to rent UBS's old offices

Channel 103 have reported that the Jersey Development Company are paying £760,000 to lease the former offices of UBS in New Street until June 2019. Apparently JDC has confirmed this was part of the deal to get UBS to move into the International Finance Centre.

JDC has since refurbished the New Street offices and is advertising them for rent for the remainder of the lease period. JDC needed UBS to fill part of the Esplanade so much that they're now paying £760k in rent for UBS's old offices.

Geoff in the Gallery: A satirical look at the States sitting of 21 June 2017

Wednesday morning saw the debate on the transfer of asylum and deportation responsibilities from the Lieutenant Governor to the Minister of Home Affairs. This passed without difficulty but not before Reform Jersey had provided some amusement to members in the form of Dep. Montfort Tadier (Reform, St Brelade No. 2).

Tadier, whose recent house-move outside the parish he represents suggests he might be looking for another seat at the next election, opposed the transfer of powers by employing rhetoric which at times wouldn’t have looked out of place in The Office as words uttered to camera by David Brent. In particular, gravely telling members that transferring asylum and deportation responsibilities to the Home Affairs Minister would be a “logical fallacy”, was straight out of the Slough paper-merchant's phrasebook.

The general consensus among States members is that this change won't be a big deal, given the relatively low amount of asylum and deportation cases which the Island currently deals with. Irrespective of this, Monty did his best to back up his opponents’ argument - and shoot down his own in the process - when he made the admission that the only Jersey asylum case he had heard about was the one everyone else has; the one of the Iranian bloke who turned up in a car boot at the harbour last year but was later granted asylum in the UK because he had stayed too long to be sent back to France. Tad regaled the House with a story of how he had taken the unlucky Iranian out to lunch in St Brelade’s Bay, ostensibly to show him “a beautiful corner of our lovely Island” (at least until a few apartment blocks pop up down there). After the obligatory shoe-horning of a recent UK event into the debate - this time the Grenfell Tower disaster for some reason - Brent/Tadier then moved into top grandstanding gear to show the House what a caring, right-on chap he was, asking fellow members rhetorically, “Are brown/black lives inherently less valuable than white British lives?” However, he quickly realised that he'd taken a shit with his clothes on by implying all British people were white and hastily added “or non-white British lives?” as an afterthought.

After letting the House into the world of Monty the Tour Guide, Monty the Politician unfortunately resurfaced in his reference to Jersey being “caught with its pants down” over the Iranian asylum case. Unparliamentary language? Maybe, admitted Monty. Maybe, indicated Dep. Geoff Southern (Reform, St Helier No. 2). Unfortunately, the correction was equally as terrible as Tadier suggested that Jersey had been “caught short” over the issue (well, at least we had taken our pants down first).

The main thrust of Tad’s argument was that although, in his own words, he was “not a monarchist”, he would nonetheless keep the “reassuring” presence of the Lieutenant Governor in the Assembly and he would rather keep deportation out of the political arena, leaving the responsibilities to be dealt with by someone who is not either a politician or answerable to the people. This placed Reform Jersey in the rather unusual position of being a left-wing political party defending the right of an unelected, unaccountable and unqualified Lieutenant Governor to sit in a big house on St Saviour’s Hill ruling on which people get to stay in the Island, without any personal consequences attached to his decisions.

Things became even more surreal in the Chamber when Tadier suggested that the reason Dep. Kristina Moore (St Peter) could not make asylum or deportation decisions as Home Affairs Minister was because she may be a Senator in future (eh?) or even Chief Minister (approbation from one member). According to Monty, this would mean members of the public would approach her in the supermarket to ask “why are you keeping all these foreigners here?” (Monty needn’t worry; politicians listening to constituents? It’ll never catch on.)

After some more guff about appeal mechanisms and human rights which even had Southern yawning in the seat next to him, the learned Montfort concluded by saying he was “suspicious” of any move from a tried and tested method which works and he didn’t see the need for change (spoken like a true conservative).

Much of the rest of the day was taken up in committee, debating the Jersey Innovation Fund balls-up. Being in committee, the debate in the House was more insightful than usual but, given this was about the Innovation Fund, it also meant severe overexposure to Sen. Philip Ozouf. When called upon to speak Ozouf launched into self-justification mode to defend himself as expected but, given that he’s been sat outside the headmaster’s office writing lines on most things he’s touched in his 18-year political career, this time it felt more like a Greatest Hits collection.

Sounding like a man trying to cling on to his job, instead of one who had already been bin-bagged the morning before, Phil did his customary angry-spider impression for over an hour, getting the claws out on his former colleagues in the Council of Ministers on several occasions. Eventually, with the time approaching 4 pm, the Bailiff told the Senator he was repeating himself and saved members from listening to much more from the Ozouf back-catalogue of self-pity. Contrite as ever, Ozouf whined that members hadn’t taken seriously what he was saying and he felt he was being doubted by some in the House (though why he felt keeping them stuck in the Chamber on a baking hot afternoon in June would change their minds about him is anybody’s guess).

Time after time, when giving way to fellow members, Sen. Ozhuff flung himself back into his seat like a sulky teenager whose parents have said he can’t go on a weekend away with his mates. Phil also spoke of how he’d learnt more from the Innovation Fund fallout than he was previously told, but he couldn’t take the blame for an accounting officer who one is unable to “hold to account” (that means “sack”, for those who aren't familiar with Phil-speak).

All that was left for Ozhuff was to fall back on the politics of good intentions, complaining that he had tried his best in an impossible situation. He ended by insisting he was happy to be judged on his actions and to take responsibility, but that taking “responsibility” did not necessarily equate with him being to “blame” for anything that had happened (not that he’s ever to blame for anything else either). That’s the name of the game for Teflon Phil; responsibility without consequences. Maybe one day he’ll end up as Lieutenant Governor handling asylum and deportation cases in a Reform Jersey government…

 

Geoff in the Gallery: A satirical look at the States sitting of 20 June 2017

 

Like most legislatures, set-piece political events usually bring out the worst in the States Assembly; members, combining the sense of occasion with their own self-worth, believe they must speak in these debates but, in reality, only a few actually have something to say. So it was in this context that members met for an extended session of oral self-indulgence in Tuesday’s Vote of No Confidence debate on Sen. Ian Gorst’s political future (or at least, for his next 11 months).

With temperatures outside topping 30 degrees, a number of members including Dep. Geoff Southern (Reform, St Helier No.2) and Sen. Philip Bailhache opted to wear light suits more appropriately worn in the yacht club or for hunting in the Savannah. However, the only hunting on display had taken place earlier in the morning when Sen. Gorst decided not to accept the resignation of the man he had only recently appointed, Sen. Philip Ozouf, and sacked him instead; a truly courageous effort to take out the main thrust of his opponents’ argument against him.

Despite this, and to avoid resembling the Grand Old Duke of York, Const. Chris Taylor (St John) ploughed on with his proposition, setting out his case against the Chief Minister regardless. But before any political blood pressures could rise in response to the Constable’s case, members were sent out for the customary one-and-a-half hour lunch (does anywhere else outside of France have lunches this long?) and an opportunity to see/step-over the quaint, sparsely populated protest against Gorst in the Royal Square.

Suitably refreshed, and with everyone having forgotten what the debate was about, members returned to hear the Chief Minister mount a spirited, self-immolating defence where he acknowledged his failings by admitting he was not good enough at listening or communicating. Having helpfully highlighted his weaknesses, one might have expected his political opponents to seize the moment, hammering away at them in an attempt to build political support. Instead, it was a procession of Council of Ministers’ members who lined up to stick the boot into their embattled CM. Amongst these, Sen. Alan Maclean agreed that “we all make mistakes” before, in a bizarre abrogation of collective responsibility, he confessed to the Chamber that he didn’t like every decision made by the Chief Minister and his colleagues (such as bringing back Ozouf maybe Alan?). Jersey’s own minister of futility, Sen. Paul Routier, also got up after a sustained bout of note-taking and proceeded to say very little of note, wittering on about children in the community and that last refuge for a local politician who can’t think of anything to say; Brexit. Here, Sen. Routier also chose to embark on a spot of self-flagellation, telling the House about his own decision-making weaknesses in office (but on the plus side, at least you are perceptive Paul).

In opposition, one of the proposers of the debate, Dep. Simon Bree (St Clement) criticised Gorst, as an Englishman, for being responsible for the “Anglicisation of Jersey” and claimed he was “dismantling all that’s unique about Jersey”. He then made his own pitch for Gorst’s job, showing the House how clever he was by quoting a lot of famously quotable people; from Abraham Lincoln to Cicero via Edmund Burke (twice). Even Dep. Judy Martin (St Helier No. 1), sat next to the hapless wannabe CM, managed to crack a smile at yet another quote following the second reference to the father of modern conservatism. (Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg address was famously short in length but long on content; a sentiment which some States members will hopefully aspire to in future.)

Once Bree had finished going through the best bits of everybody else’s speeches, Dep. Rod Bryans (St Helier No. 2) stood up and, like the previous speaker, also referred to Abraham Lincoln (clearly he's an icon amongst bearded deputies), this time favourably comparing the 19^th century president, statesman and noted orator who held a divided United States together to the present Chief Minister of Jersey. After members had passed the sick bucket around, Sen. Sarah Ferguson continued in her role as a one-woman crowd dispersal unit, during which fellow septuagenarian Sen. Bailhache appeared to be asleep.

Mercifully, Dep. Murray Norton (St Brelade No. 1) told the Chamber at the outset that he was going to keep his speech short. He began by criticising a speech he wasn’t present in the Chamber for (Bree’s), choosing to interpret his Englishman Gorst comments as an anti-immigrant attack. Norton reminded members that he was an immigrant, before saying how it was wrong for the St Clement Deputy to bring immigration into the debate and how Jersey was an island of immigrants who should all be welcomed. With this spectacular piece of virtue-signalling now complete, Norton proceeded to speak for the rest of his self-allotted two-and-a-half minutes by first delivering his own back-handed compliment to the Chief Minister, describing him as “well-meaning”, before telling his fellow members how the public are “sick of us talking about ourselves”. This statement was met with enthusiastic nodding from behind by Norton’s colleague in the unofficial Media Personalities’ Party, Dep. Peter McLinton (St Saviour No. 1).

More moral outrage towards Bree came from the Constable of the famously cosmopolitan, diverse parish of St Mary, who also felt she should tell the House just how welcome immigrants are in Jersey. Others, meanwhile, felt they would make better use of their moment in the spotlight to serenade the Chief Minister by saying how great he was (most notably Sen. Andrew Green).

In the end, sometime around 8 pm, a vote was taken and predictably the no-confidence motion was defeated by 34 votes to 13. Gorst kept his job, his ministers kept their jobs - apart from Ozouf who he'd already sacked – and after almost seven hours of political indigestion, the proposers hadn't gained any more support for their cause than they'd had at the beginning of the day. But with temperatures above 30 degrees outside, it's reassuring to know that honourable members weren’t feeling left out and had managed to create their own hot air inside the Chamber...