Geoff in the Gallery: A satirical look at the States sitting of 4 July 2017

After the Independent Jersey Care Inquiry published its report on Monday and Frances Oldham QC had delivered her damning verdict on a litany of failures (both professional and personal) and abuse in Jersey’s care system over the past 72 years, Islanders are in a sombre mood as they try to come to terms with the suffering experienced by their fellow citizens who were so let down by a system that was meant to be there to protect them.

Considering that recent events have highlighted the glacial pace of government in Jersey and the sheer out-of-touchness of the States with the rest of the Island, it is perhaps fitting that 24 hours after the publication of the Inquiry’s findings, elected members were instead debating Sea Fisheries Regulations. Is it any wonder most of the public don’t give a toss about Jersey politics? Surely a “Leader of the House” in such a small jurisdiction could have shifted planned business so that more pertinent matters could have been debated instead.

Anyway, that is for another day - Thursday, in fact. So it was that at Tuesday’s States sitting, members were in attendance but the important stuff wasn’t taking place in the States Chamber. As usual, some might say.

Dep. Eddie Noel (St Lawrence) was up on his feet for Infrastructure Minister’s Questions. Alas, Eddie is not one of life’s most eloquent speakers and makes Joey Essex sound like Laurence Olivier. It really would be courteous of him to turn up properly briefed next time; his answers contained more ers and ums than a blagging Year 7 pupil who’s not done his French homework. Goodness knows what radio listeners made of Eddie’s latest dish of incomprehensible. Pity the poor souls at Portland Communications.

As Noel dribbled out his response to a half-volley on the taxi-driver dispute from Dep. Carolyn Labey (Grouville), one pondered whether the States should follow the House of Commons’s recent relaxation of the dress code; at least if Unready Eddie was wearing his favourite high-vis jacket during sittings, it might distract a bit from the collection of words leaving his mouth.

There was a bit of a ding-dong over the calculations regarding funding for fee-paying schools, which ultimately led nowhere. Other than that, the session passed without note. After all, it’s not as if members have much else to talk about this week…